Library Extravaganza

At the end of my summer semester I moved out of Ann Arbor to save some money. I moved in with Jean and Jan. A mother and daughter who own a house in Chelsea, MI. It is about 15 mins outside of Ann Arbor. I love it here. Today I ventured for the first time into the Chelsea Library. It is a very new beautiful building with all the fine things that up and coming libraries have,,,except for books. I smiled to myself when i asked the librarian for help finding a book on Family Therapy. She said they didn't have those kinds of books. Maybe they spent all their money on the building and forgot to save some for the books. I realized that UM has SO many libraries, I've become quite the resource snob.

In Detroit, in one of the neighborhoods that I do some community work, the libraries shut down on a regular basis. Sometimes they have a hard time getting people into the libraries. Low-income neighborhoods are full of hard working people who don't have the luxury of access to Family Therapy or whatever kind of books, because of time and money, and education.

My problem of being at the wrong library to do my homework is so trivial, when I think about why I'm having this problem. I am working on a Master's program that is kicking my butt, but its definitely a luxury. It really helps me to think about the residents of Detroit when I start to whine about how difficult this program is. I realize it is a far less worisome to consider where I should do my homework than it is to think about where I can go to high school because the schools in my neighborhood are closing down. Or why the libraries are so far away because they close on a regular basis, or don't have the funding they need to provide services that are meaningful.

Back to School

I'm back to school but it seems like the last thing I can think about these days is getting down to work. I spend a lot of money to go here, but I'm distracted by relationships. Brothers, sisters, parents, best friends, co workers, supervisors, friendships, bosses...the list and the roles that these people play in my life convinces me that I am a blessed woman. I know it. I can pretty much guarantee that the majority of these people either love or like me. (And if they don't like me they probably have to LOVE me because I'm family...lol) I am influenced by these people in great and negative ways. Both the positive and negative influences do distract me from school. I can't get my brain to settle down and attack the work. I feel like I need an injection of gumption. Maybe I just need to get back on my "back to school" diet--endless amounts of caffeine.

Monotonous School Work

I am totally resisting all things school related. It just doesn't seem right to be in school and have the sunshine at the same time. If Michigan had sun in the fall and winter maybe it wouldn't be such a novelty and I would get some work done. Or maybe I would just not get any work done year round. boo.

Air Freshener: Part 2

I have a window fan and a lilac bush outside my window. I swear that it totally smells like lilacs in my room all day everyday. I love spring.

MLB

Major League Baseball. I've been informed that to be a better American, and more importantly a better person, one must know baseball. I have begun my quest to learn about baseball. I have recently made the Major League Baseball website a bookmark in my browser page. It feels weird. I hope it sticks...It would be nice to be a better person.

Lessons Learned so far:

30 teams (not 50 like I assumed, i thought there was one for each state)

25 players (with 8 players starting...plus the catcher?)

California has 5 teams,,, Padres, Anaheim Angels, Dodgers, uh...i can't remember the others

Other teams I know:

1. Detroit Tigers-American
2.Chicago White Sox & Cubs
3. New York Yankees and Mets
4. Florida Marlins (or is Miami?)
5. Washington Nationals
6. St. Louis Cardinals-National League
7. Texas Rangers
8. Boston Red Sox
9. Atlanta Braves (i think??)
10. Tampa Bay Devil Rays

Poor states don't get have any teams & there is an American and National League. The Tigers are in the American League.
RBI-Runs batted In??? or something...its a work in progress.

Air Freshener

I was walking outside and the air was so warm that it was melting the sap on the pine trees. The air smelled really good of pine. I live in an apartment complex that is quite woodsy, but I didn't realize how many evergreens there are. I'm suprised I haven't noticed it before. Its like the earth's own air freshner. It makes me happy.

I have a job.

I have been looking for a job since April and finally found one. I will be a caretaker for a woman who has Alzheimers. If you know me you might say, "that doesn't sound like you" and I would say to you, "I know". I saw this job on the School of Social Work website and applied directly. I have little to no experience taking care of the elderly, but I thought I would go for it and I was getting desperate. I interview with the woman's granddaughter and then again today with the daughter. I met the woman today and the situation is not what I expected it to be. The woman is hilarious. She is forgetful and confused at times, but generally? funny. Really, intentionally funny.

It would suck to turn 85 and feel like, woah ok, here comes a young kid to take care of me. So from now on I'm going to say, "hang out with" instead of "take care of". I think it would make her feel better. She said, "i'm 85, i'm not good for anything". She said it jest, but I think she feels that way. It has to be a tough disease. When I was in undergrad I saw this movie called "the Long Goodbye". It was sad when I watched it then. It is sad now and yet I feel thankful that I can hang out with this woman and help their family.

Jesus help me to love and serve this family the way that you would. Help me to be mindful and respectful of them and acknowledge that You are in control, even when things seem shitty. And Jesus thanks for the job. You know my heart, you knew just what I needed and you saw the need of this family.

RFK

“Few of us will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation.” Robert F. Kennedy

This is encouragment for a hopeful like me.

Mr. Hitchcock

Have you ever seen the terror on the faces of the people in Alfred Hitchcock's movie the Birds? My face looks similar to that when birds fly around my head.

I hate birds. I hate them. I have funny stories explaining why I hate them. It wouldn't be funny if I told them here. They have to do with geese and swallows (enough said). I'm farily terrified of them flying around my head. When a bunch of birds are in a tree over my head i want to vomit...seriously. So anyway, I'm sitting here trying to finish two 10-pager papers, but I can't because of the dang birds.

I hear them outside my window and I am actually surprised about how little animosity I feel for them today. I don't blame them for being loud today, because it is April.

It is already April and I have no idea how we got here.

sweatshops still?

Here on campus last week, a group of 12 students were arrested for a peaceful protest in President Coleman's office.

Their cause? Sweatshops.

Apparently, UM clothing is purchased through companies that work through sweatshops. Coleman's respoonse resembled: that UM doesn't take demands from students. The students were released, but continue to protest.

A few days ago in a discussion of economics (sick, i sound like a grad student), I heard that if sweatshops are closed down it would be hardship for the families who need the wages for survival. Ahhh! Ethical Dilemma!

The problem is that the wages are so low that the worker becomes more like a servant than an employee. If we advocate for a desist from purchasing from those 'sweatshop' companies we take their business but also take what little money exists in the workers pockets.

Product prices are higher for coffee and cocoa companies that use 'fair trade' agreements about equitable prices, but the selling companies are treated fairly. As a result the workers recieve just wages. I obviously don't know all the issues involved about this, but I'm working it out.

globalexchange.org
sweatshop.org
Hrw.org
iccr.org

...a few sites that keep watch on corporations; I got these from Shane Claiborn's book Irresistable Revolution

Blind, Deaf, Dumb

Blind, deaf and dumb, Westerners, the richest of the world, have the severest impairments. Blind to the inequities that exist in our own backyard, we trip over them as they eat out of our trash. Deaf to the voices of children, families and elderly constantly burdened by poverty, we ignore their voices that are rarely addressed by the media. Dumb, we fail to question these societal injustices in our churches, businesses, bars, clubs and homes. The wealthy in American are numbed by the green in our wallets. Worst of all things is the American failure to act in the face of perpetual, cyclical poverty.

a philosophy statement?

my professor assigned a philosophy statement. he said it disables us as social workers to work maddeningly without a theory base. why do we work? what motivates us? what do we hope to accomplish? how do these things impact/influcence our decision to pursue policy and structural change and evaluation? i think i've already written 2 this year.

I think about these things and what writing them really means, and I can bull shit, i can pull a theory out of a hat, or a database in this case and apply it.

or i can really share my piece and say i operate out of Jesus words to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, care the for the widows and the kids, comfort those who mourn, love mercy, etc...the list goes on. to the school of social work this discredits me. they scorn me. they scoff at the church. i understand, because I do too,,,too often. i cringe at the money the institution spends on the show rather than on the practice. i say these things not to be jugemental, but as a confession. I am sorry for wasting my time, money and pride on things that don't show Jesus' love.

Lord how do I balance what this world tells me and what you say? there is no balance is there? How do I share your Word to a people who don't want to listen? Lord help me to love in humility. help me to love you. Let people see you in me and glory in Your love.

last day of class

SO tired of school. This is my last day of class for a GIS mapping class. I'm more confused now than I ever was. What am I doing here???? I have a week off after finals week and then I go back to school. God make me effective in my todays!

Worry

Sometimes I sabotage my work with worry. I think about how I match to other professionals, students, christians, etc. I think so much about how I'm failing or how I'm matching up its like I injure myself. It like I'm "shooting myself in the foot" so to speak.

Recently, I've realized how damaging this pattern is. The problem is I often go through this cycle of realizing how bad it is BUT then I keep doing it.

Worry keeps me from performing my best. Anyone will tell you a little stress is good; it increase the quality of performance on tasks. BUT when worry/anxitey/self-depreciation become larger than the motivating force to move forward- a problem exists.

Lord help me to remember that I work for you and no other. My strength comes from your hand. Help me to honor You with my work. Help me Lord to change and have peace, knowing that I am Yours and that nothing can separate me from Your love. No failings of my own will keep you from loving me. Jesus be glorified in both my strengths and weaknesses today.

Activist Grace Lee Boggs

Yesterday I had the privilege of hearing Grace Lee Boggs speak on Community Organizing. She is 92 years old! She is still active and has a leadership training organization. This is a woman who knew Martin Luther King, and Malcom X. She scorns on injustices of our government. She said in order to change our worlds we must first change ourselves. Something in this resonates in me very much.

There are people who can move and motivate 100 people into action and then there are those people who have 100 friends. Just because you have a lot of friends, doesn't mean you have a lot of networks. You must have truth behind what you say. I wonder what the greats of the civil rights movement would say today about our progress on all issues of injustice. What would they say to motivate us? What would they say in response to this war? Where have the truth sayers gone to? Who are they in this day? Why have activist gone into hiding? If I believe these things to be true then why don't I change myself to relfect my questions? How could I, a social worker in training be a truth sayer, in my world, at my time in this age? Who would listen? The question is do I live my truth? Am I content to live life passively? Or do I see a need to make changes in my own life? I must first change myself to move others to social action. Ms. Boggs in a sense told us not to be a hypocrite. It is a nice to be called out on social issues.

My own truth: I'm a lot of talk and not a lot of action about social issues. Homelessness, foster kids, prisoner reentry, LGBT issues, poverty, blight, etc, the list goes. I need to make sure that I as a lover of Jesus am persuing his ideas of what social justice looks like. I must first act, move, speak, do--to encourage others to do the same.

Lord help me to be the anti-racist that you were. Help me to be the servant of the opressed and down hearted. Help me to challenge those who make laws and stick to them without a thought of love and hope for those who cannot help themselves. Jesus make change happen in me. Help me to live the love your Word describes. Thank you for Grace Lee Boggs. Thank you for Martin Luther King. Help me be a truth sayer in my own community.

gross

Tonight on "Dirty Jobs", I saw that the Ostrich is quite canabalistic, as are many animals. Tonight, it was the Ostrich. This bird, stepped on it's egg, then the whole family (of ostriches, or ostrai?) started eating the broken open egg. Yuck.

White Oleander

Sometimes I sit and wonder about the best way to show the World around me that I love Jesus.
I think about how to sit at others' tables, eat and drink with them and still differentiate myself. Words just don't cut it. Often it takes a relationship with people to make show the difference. I want to be on my guard so that I am able to resist one of my biggest temptations--complacency.

I was watching White Oleander and the phrase "redemption through relationships' struck me that the main character found her life and death in relationships. I know this isn't anything new. It feels like common knowledge that relationships form who we are and give us our identity. There is something more powerful here. Relationships make or break us. Mostly if the relationships in your life are shitty they break you. That being true, it only takes one great relationship to redeem a life or rather, make a life worth living. This 'redemption of the living' idea that I found in White Oleander made me hopeful. A meaningful relationship with Christ, or his people can mean life for some who are the walking dead. The flipside: a hollow relationship with His family can turn those who don't know Christ away.